so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
