So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize