Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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