just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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