So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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