Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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