I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
