He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize