you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize