You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
