there's paper in my vomit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
