I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
