she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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