I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
