He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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