Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
