It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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