Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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