I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
bring money and cleavage
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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