Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
