you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
