How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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