Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
