I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
