Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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