It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
