i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
