"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think your dad took our porno
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
