When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize