His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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