I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
