I'm so fucking centered right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
