My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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