if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize