i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
