at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
