When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize