So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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