we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
