If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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