Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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