Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize