If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize