In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
