I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ttyl tear gas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
