A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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