Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
