The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
