Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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