True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize