I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Panties = found
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