so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
