I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
