You're so nebulous sometimes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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