Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
