So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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