addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
