he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
