I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
