i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize