Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
