Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
