I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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