I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
