Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
