mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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