we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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