Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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