I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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