he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
