I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
