How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
