my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
