Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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