Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have post one night stand depression
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