He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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