The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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