whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
