New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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