Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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