Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
