the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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