billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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