last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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