She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
