This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize