so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
