I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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