Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
