I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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