He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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