My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize