i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
