I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
