she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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