I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
