If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
