two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
