I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This baby is an asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
