You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
