Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
