he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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